I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize