But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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