omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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