I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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