Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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