he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
how does that bad decision feel?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
