Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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