i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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