i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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