If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
