So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
