mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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