this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
