i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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