Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize