your parents love me but you hate me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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