In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Rumble strips road head = magical
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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