its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
