wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
