What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
