What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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