I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
