Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
