my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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