Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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