Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
