Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
