Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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