You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
