i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
