i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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