1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
