OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
