We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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