Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
