i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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