Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
