obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
