thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
