Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
