Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
