Define "chronic" masturbator.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I know her cup size but not her name....
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