Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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