just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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