Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
