i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i need some magic done to my vagina
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
