i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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