I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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