I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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