I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
