New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
