i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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