I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
