Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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