just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
