atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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