Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
