Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Fuck appropriateness.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
