I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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