im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
