I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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