that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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