im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
