i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize